New Blog Title: Being Chased By The Flame

I have sat down with the intention to write this post many times over the last month, but the normal procrastination kicked in. I've promised myself not to get up until its done tonight and unfortunately for the both of us the longer I have waited the more I have to share. I'll try to be brief.

As you heard or read (on this blog), I was supposed to start a job with US PIRG immediately upon my return from Uganda. During my time in Africa my strong interest in human rights, development, conflict resolution and many other things international were cemented even more firmly into my identity. Toward the middle of the seven week program I began having serious doubts about the job with PIRG. Eventually I tentatively decided I would head to Boston and give the job a chance.

The first few days of training in Boston seemed to drag on and the entire time the thoughts I had while in Ramogi grew louder and louder that while I agree with the issues PIRG worked on, I did not belong there. On Saturday morning, August 15th, three days after returning from Uganda and arriving in Boston those thoughts caught up to me. I had what most would call a break down and I suppose it was, but I'd like to call it a moment of realization.

Nearly from that first day I was already contemplating whether to stay at PIRG or find a way home to Texas and on the previous day, August 14th, my phone died. Regardless of the outcome of this internal debate... I need my phone. Believing I had lost my phone charging, I left the hotel toward a nearby Radio Shack. The charger I needed was not there, I headed toward the AT&T located between Radio Shack and the hotel, being a Saturday though the store was opening later and I had to wait.

Not being able to resist the charm of a book store, I decided to kill time at the Border's a few doors down. As I almost always do, I headed up to the history, politics and contemporary issues section of the store to find my familiar home among books about Africa, ethnic conflict, development and genocide history. Rather than finding exciting ideas to turn about in my head, all the books I saw from the new to those I owned all seemed to reinforce the same idea firmly implanted in my thoughts... "What am I doing here? I shouldn't be here."

Despite being short on cash and contemplating quitting a job I had barely begun... I decided I needed a book. One that might help bring clarity to the situation and perhaps guide me to the right choice. Struggling between a few titles, inspiration struck. I needed to buy Samantha Power's newest book: Chasing the Flame: Sergio Vieira de Mello and the Fight to Save the World. After nearly 20 minutes of searching both with and without help, I almost gave up on finding the book until I rechecked the biography section and found it under P for Power.

Riding the escalator down to the first floor with my book-in-hand I mused to myself... Sergio Vieria de Mello might have been chasing the flame in his career, it seems in my life the flame is chasing me.

The next few things I did might have been irrational and partially motivated by a combination of jet lag and reverse culture shock, but I am happy with the choices made. On autopilot I went to the AT&T store, got rerouted to the mall located adjacent to the hotel, finally found a charger and immediately sat down next to an outlet. Once the phone was had some charge I called my mom and told her I was coming home. Walking back to the hotel I made phone calls to my brother, my sister and to my friend who helped me with arrange a flex ticket I had bought through her to get back to Dallas. Back at the hotel I quit the job and began sorting out the next few steps.

For the first time all summer I looked forward to returning home... I needed familiar surroundings, family and a week worth of sleep. That being true I also couldn't put my mind at ease returning to a hibernation state in Dallas. As Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man puts it: "Hibernation is a covert preparation for a more overt action" and I was hungry to pursue more overt action.

With Texas not an option and resources to low to get back to Africa, I had only one place to go to satisfy the possibility of working on international issues: Washington DC. August 28th, 12 days after quitting my job and leaving Boston, I arrived in DC.

A few days later I began an internship on Capitol Hill and moved into a house in Silver Spring, Maryland. I'm looking for work while applying to professional graduate degrees among other opportunities such as Peace Corps.

Things aren't ideal, but they're an idealist paradise. Options and opportunity are everywhere. The flame is certainly chasing me and I'm happy to be running!