Leran's Post-Graduation Update

First of a few videos. Quality sucks, but I hope it works.

An Update to Gray: Life in Technicolor

Lately I’ve been thinking about a blog entry I wrote over a year ago simply called Gray. While I still very much identify the powerful emotions attributed to that piece, I wanted to offer a new interpretation to the vivid colors of life.

I began thinking about this idea when I was in Washington, D.C. over the summer. As I was leaving for DC I had pre-ordered Coldplay’s new album, Viva La Vida, and the soundtrack of my summer was dominated by that album. "Life in Technicolor", the album’s first song, seemed to be my song for the summer. The original, which is featured on the album, was an instrumental piece that has a very positive beat to it with troubled yet optimistic tone to it. It felt to me as the perfect way to both prepare for my day in a big often lonely city and wind down or reflect on the work of combating genocide.

As I’ve reflect more on this song and the ideas of my previous writings, I’ve come to the conclusion: life is the pursuit of color. When we’re born we are overloaded with color. Everything is new to us, nothing contains our curiosity and the world is filled with new things to explore. As we grow gray begins to enter our lives.

For me gray was the fact that my family history contains that great gray of human, the gray of genocide. The gray of the Holocaust mixed with its bastardized red of the Nazi flag and yellow of the Stars of David used to mark the soon to be dehumanized Jewish masses in occupied Europe. Or the deep dark grays left in my heart after my dad was taken away from me at the age eleven by an early and unexpected death. Or the grayness of modern day genocide mixed with the green of our hopes and the multicolored vibrant garb of many of its unnecessary victims.

In a more general sense gray is the day to day hardships we all endure. From as simple as home or fitting in at school or work to as difficult as making ends meet or watching a loved one slowly deteriorate because of a terminal illness. Gray fills our lives and we do our best to add color.

We all know and lament many of the unhealthy ways many take to adding color to their lives. Consumerism, drugs, alcohol and abuses of power are all ways to fight off gray or to add some type of color to our otherwise dark lives.

Fortunately we all also experience the rich color of life in all its positive and natural forms. While there are some nearly universal examples, I think the reason for color is a very personal and unique thing for all of us.

My blessing and my curse is that while I continue to pursue color like everyone else, I constantly see the gray of life. I believe we all should see some gray though for that is the blessing and curse of all those who consider themselves socially conscious. As we gain color in our lives we must remember that many live lives of gray and we have an immense power to bring color to the lives of others. Maya Angelou when she spoke at UT said, “We are all and can be rainbows in the clouds of others.”

For me I see the gray that drives me to activism, but those surrounding me: my friends, my family and that rich network of fellow activists all contribute to the wonderful color of my life. Perhaps this is true for many people, but I feel that my life has slowly gained its color from the gray of my adolescence. As I have gained more insight into my chosen path in life and I have surrounded myself with those supportive of that path, they have colored my life.

This summer when I first was exposed to “Life in Technicolor” my life was rich in color, but optimistically yet somberly my life was only filled with Technicolor type richness. About five months later with the friends I gained this summer, the reflection that comes with graduation, I see that the intensity and vibrancy of my life has increased. This is thanks again to my friends and to the work I have dedicated myself too.

I also credit this to a recent friend, someone who has quickly captured my heart in the short time I’ve known her. You see when Coldplay first released “Life in Technicolor” they shortened it and left out words they had written to accompany the instrumental. Just a few weeks ago they release a new EP: Prospekt’s March with the song “Life in Technicolor II” including the omitted lyrics with an extended instrumental. Around the same time, a wave of color entered my life by name of Allison. As cheesy as it is, she is the lyrics missing from the song.

When I used to listen to “Life in Technicolor” this summer it gave me a sense that my life was colorful and things were on their way to where I want them, but perhaps it was the city of DC or perhaps it was just my past of grayness: something felt missing. Now it truly feels as if both the song and the color of my life are nearly complete. As Chris Martin sings:

Oh love don't let me go
Won't you take me where the streetlights glow
I could hear it coming
I could hear the sirens sound
Now my feet won't touch the ground

I can still see the gray and I still very much live it, but color is very much part of my life. To everyone who may be reading this: “Oh love don’t let me go”

To my family: Thank you for helping me survive the gray. I know the loss of Abba was not easy for any of us and we all were filled with grayness. Somehow we all made it through and as the youngest, I hope I helped bring color to your lives, but I will forever be indebted for all of your attempts at preserving what color this angst ridden, scared, lost pre-teen had when his father passed away.

To my friends: Thank you for bringing color into my life and giving me the Technicolor life needed to survive. I have gained strength from knowing all of you from those who helped me make it through the awful years of middle school to those that road with me in the rollercoaster of high school and finally to the ones who joined me in journey of college and especially to the ones I met while on that journey.

To Allison: We both acknowledge how crazy we are to feel so connected so quickly, but thank you so much of being someone who understands grayness both from personal pain and by identifying the darkness in the world. I know I’ve said this often, but I really hope that what we have continues to blossom and help us see the true color of life. We both come from different shades of gray, both unsettling in their way and independently we had begun to gain color in our individual lives. Together it feels as the color that people with happier histories and more ideal lives can only dream of having, we have obtained. I cannot thank you enough for this gift of color and for adding rich lyrics to the music I had been listening to for quite some time.

"Nothing could be better
And nothing ever was"
-Coldplay's "Glass of Water"